Anime Bad-ass Tuesday: Gungrave

Gungrave is an excellent show about Mobsters, monsters, friendship, and revenge.

The main character is Brandon Heat,  a street punk gang member in a rough town. He’s actually a nice guy, but will beat the crap out of you if you mess with his friends. He barely talks, if he talks at all, which I always find to be cool.

The leader of the gang, Harry MacDowell, is a decent enough guy to his friends, but he has big ambitions. He doesn’t want to be just a 2-bit crook hustling rich women out of their money and shaking down other gangs, he wants to be somebody.

Eventually, Harry proves himself to the Mob, and becomes a made man. Of coarse Brandon follows him into the Mob because he’s his best friend and he wants to protect him.

Well, some crazy shit happens, Brandon ends up dead, and Harry becomes leader of the Mob.

Fast forward to the future, where mutants are now the Mob’s requisite cannon fodder, and Brandon heat has been ressurected into an unstoppable killing machine, Gungrave.

Brandon Heat was enough of a bad-ass when he was alive. Now that he is essentially a Frankenstein Monster, he can do all sorts of crazy shit. Just check him out:

That big thing o his back? It’s his coffin. That is also a gun.

He also duel wields two gigantic handguns.

I’m so obsessed with these guns I tried to find any replicas, which I did find this on youtube, but I think he made it himself.

The anime is excellent but I must admit to liking the ‘past’ story line better than the ‘future’ one, only because I like mobster stuff, and the change in aesthetic comes abruptly, too abruptly.

That being said, Gungrave is a cool character, and we couldn’t have him without the future part, so I like like it, and suggest that you watch it if you already haven’t.

Amazingly, the anime was a spin-off of the video game Gungrave, which is sort of like a Devil May Cry flashy beat ‘em up, just not as good. I only suggest playing it if you are a huge fan of the anime.

In Response

“I don’t think I’ve ever heard your opinion on the current generation of consoles before. The 360 failure rate is no longer that high, that statistic comes from the first gen of 360s. Yet, I’ve gone through 2 xboxes and I agree, it’s bull.

As for the Ps3, they have some awesome exclusives (Infamous, MGS4, Uncharted, God of War, MAG) and free online play, which if you’re a casual gamer, is a great thing.

There are a ton of kids on the 360, but you could always mute them and its really best to play with friends that way you’re not stuck with a bunch of randoms. Although, the older you get, the harder it is to game with your friends. That, I definitely understand.

If you’re a PC gamer and you want to play new games, you really do have to shell out some money. Older games? No problem, its not that expensive.

I agree that there really aren’t any true innovative games anymore, but that’s because…well, lack of new ideas. Now, more than anything, its about execution and you have to give it to the big studios for trying to be original. EA has pushed out several, several new IPs and have lost millions of dollars for it.

Anyway, those are just my thoughts. When it comes to video games, like everything else, it’s personal opinion so it was definitely an interesting read. I haven’t heard this take before.” – chocolaterobot

Hey thanks for the response!

I do have to say that I agree with what you have said, in my haste to rant I did forget about some of the new IPs that have come out recently (Mirror’s Edge comes to mind), these do however do poorly commercially, as you said.

I understand why, because games are expensive and people, myself included, don’t want to waste $60 on something that might suck.

Which is why games like Modern Warfare 2 and New Super Mario Bros Wii do so well;  because they are established ‘good’ IPs and therefore instant money makers.

I’m glad to receive such a great response from a reader, because this person pointed out to me that I shouldn’t be so cynical about the state of video games today. Do I still think it could be better? Yes, definitely, however  as far as being a gamer is concerned, it’s the best time to be alive! If not for the promise of new games, but for the backlog of nearly 30 years worth of games to enjoy and appreciate!

I must say that not every new game I’ve played has disappointed me;

Silent Hill: Shattered Memories is a return to form for the survival horror genre.

Batman Arkham Asylum proved that a super hero game can be done smartly, and remain true to it’s source material.

Fallout 3 proved my belief that the end of the world will be crazy fun.

No More Heroes proves that mature games can do well on a Nintendo system.

Muramasa proves that not all games have to be 3D rendered and hold your freakin’ hand.

But, indeed, theses are just my opinions, and everyone has a right to their own.

Hey everybody check out chocolaterobot’s blog, it’s pretty damn funny and way more informative than mine.

Though I must disagree with chocolaterobot on one thing: Kung Pow is awesome!

Being a Gamer is Srs Bizness.

Why is it that most new video games seem awfully similar or are simply sequels to games that did well financially? I mean, I know the answer, it’s because these games are profitable, so as long as people keep buying these types of games, they’ll keep on being made.

This generation of games is just boring to me. Sure, there are some things to like about games now. The graphics are really advanced, the memory for holding game data keeps expanding, and the stories have gotten more complex.

So then why is it, admitting to the list above, do we have games that are barely 6 hours long, too easy, the coolest parts of the games are QTEs (quick time events, i.e. Simon Says), and the story lines are contrived, or convoluted.

Now, in my opinion, no one is absolved from my disappointment this generation. I’ll list my reasons.

Sony PS3

I do not find this system worth owning in the slightest. Sure it plays games, goes online, and plays Blu-ray movies, but I have a computer for online, and I have a Blu-ray player. As far as games go, there aren’t any exclusives I’m interested in, because I am not into gritty space First Person Shooters.

I’m also convinced that Sony is trying to get themselves out of the game market. Charging $600 for a gaming system at launch? Lying about why the controller didn’t have rumble at launch, then suddenly having it in it? Saying motion controls are dumb, then shoe-horning the “sixaxis” that is barely used. Oh I’m sorry, you can jiggle tits with it in the ‘new’  Ninja Gaiden 2.

Now obviously I am not outraged by jiggling video game breasts. In fact I am a huge fan of DOA and DOA Volley Ball. I just find this stupid becasue they took the blood out of the game. So I’m sure this jumblies jostling is just to try to appease people.

Microsoft XBox 360

I find the 360 useless if you have a gaming PC. Gaming PC’s do not have to be as expensive as everyone thinks they are, but this is the main reason why people buy the 360, it’s relatively inexpensive, and easy to use. Oh but wait, what’s that? The 360 becomes inoperable 54.2% of the time? I know several people who have gone through at least three 360s in the past 3 years. To me, that is unacceptable.

Also, have you ever played XBox Live with a random group? Nothing but kids screaming the words ‘nigger’ and ‘faggot’ over and over again. It’s disgusting.

PC

Despite what I said above, gaming on the PC is relatively expensive compared to consoles. However, various mods are available for games that are released on PC, where as you’d have to hack a game on the 360 or PS3 to fool around with it. My main problem with PC gaming is that there really is no exclusivity, consoles can imitate PC gaming pretty well.

Nintendo Wii

In my opinion the biggest offender to gaming this generation. Motion Controls? Great! But have they truly been used in a revolutionary way? No. Most games that are made for the system are trash, that tack on motion controls where all you do is waggle the remote.

Wiimotion Plus? Wasn’t that how you promised the remote would work from launch?

And as where Microsoft and Sony figured out pretty early to have hi-def graphics and online play, Nintendo is worried about child rapists and confusing the old people who buy the system for Wii Bowling and Wii Fit.

did you know Wii Play is one of the best selling games for the Wii? That’s because it was packaged with a fucking controller! But Nintendo sees these sales as that the game is good, let’s make more like it. I have news for you, that game sucks!

So what about our old favorite Mario? We get a New Super Mario Bros. Wii, that is basically the DS game, but with two cloned Toads. Two Toads? That is just fucking lazy. You are number one in sales Nintendo! You could put in a little effort to put Peach in there? Oh that’s right, her skirt is too hard for Nintendo to program. Yet they did it fine in every other fucking game she’s ever appeared in.

Well, maybe the game would be worth playing with friends, oh wait, there is no online play. I’m  a 25 year old asshole who wants to play Mario with someone, 25 year olds have jobs and lives, we can’t all just get together at the drop of a hat to play a video game. If it was online, I could play with anyone, oh but that person might be 12, and I wouldn’t want to be tempted to whisper ‘penispenispenis’ into the that mic that no game fucking uses for the Wii.

In conclusion, I have been having more fun with games that I am discovering for the first time that are anywhere between 10 to 20 years old, than games that are out now. Why? Because video games didn’t have to sell more than 100,000 copies to be considered a success, and game developers weren’t shoveled millions of dollars to make a game. Greatness through Adversity. If you give someone infinite funds and full control over a project, it’ll likely go unchallenged, and turn out to be crap.

Wait a Minute

What the fuck? Who’s searching for that?!

I am confused and aroused.

Your Wildest Dreams

Let’s talk about dreams, shall we? I usually remember most of, if not all the dreams I have each night, so I thought I would discuss the more interesting ones.

Most of them have recurring themes, too.

The dream I had last night was, I was trying to get to class, But I couldn’t find the right room (recurring theme #1).

I finally find the classroom, but I’m pretty damn late (recurring theme #2). I try to find a seat, and I when I find it, the teacher yells at me to clean the chalk board or something. I tell the teacher to go fuck herself (recurring theme #3), and tell her I’m going to report her to the education board for yelling at me for no reason.

I get to the office, and there is this cute chick playing with a cat. I sit next to her and talk to her. I don’t really remember what we talked about, I’m pretty sure she was there waiting to talk to someone too.

So we’re talking and hitting it off, and we’re under a blanket sitting on the lobby couch (?), and the cat is like rubbing against me and doing cat stuff. The chick thinks it’s cute, so I’m totally going to get some.

Suddenly, the cat sinks its teeth into my right testicle. I grab its neck and try to pry its teeth from my nut without hurting it. I finally get it off of me, and walk around trying to shake off the pain. The girl wants me to sit next to her again, and I try, but the cat keeps trying to get between my legs to bite my balls again.

Then I wake up, and my balls actually kind of hurt, which was weird.

That is the most recurring theme of my dreams: getting cock-blocked.

It doesn’t matter what it is, I could be eye to boob with a girl in my dream, but something will fuck it up, and either distract me in the dream, or wake me up right before I get me some.

That’s right, I can’t even get laid IN MY OWN DREAMS. Which means, I’m cock blocking myself!

The dream had before that was kinda cool though, something about stealing a dirt bike, hitting a jump too hard, flying like hundreds of feet through the air, and then breaking my wrist.  That was bad though, because I didn’t have any insurance. Wait, that’s kind of depressing.

Why can’t I have cool dreams, like about Batman?

Damn it Batman! Not you too?!

Bats for Hats

I’ve noticed that hats seem to be creeping back into popular fashion, no doubt thanks to me and my dapper Ivy Cap. And don’t be saying it’s because of Brad Pitt, he copied me. He obviously reads my blog and is impressed by my gentlemanly attire.

Anyway, I think everyone should start wearing hats. And I’m not talking about baseball caps or Lids, (I’ve got nothing against baseball caps by the way, they just itch the hell out of forehead) I’m talking newsboys, pork pies, fedoras, cowboy, sombrero, Trilby, top hats, any hat that fits your fancy!

Just make sure to take time choosing a hat from a hat store that you trust. A hat can make you look great, or make you look incredibly stupid.

Reasons the wrong hat will make you look like a schmuck:

1. The hat does not fit your head; too small or too big

2. The hat fits, but the brim is too big or too small for your type of face

3. Hat does not ‘match’ your outfit. Now the Ivy Cap I wear pretty much goes with anything, but I wouldn’t suggest wearing a Top Hat with pajamas. A Top Hat with pajamas is reserved for me when I am very old and/or insane.

Check this site out too, though I can’t stress enough that you should really go to a hat store and try out different hats than trying to buy one online. It’s not like buying a pair of men’s jeans or condoms.

Besides hats being stylish, they are also functional in keeping your head warm in the winter, dry in the rain, and protect you from the sun’s harmful rays. Damn life sustaining sun, never did no good for no one.

For more information on hats, I suggest visiting a much better blog than mine The Art of Manliness.

That guy’s blog kicks ass, mine is just weird.

Lets see some more hats out there people!

I was actually quite pleased when I went to Magfest 8 a few weeks ago, because not only were a few people wearing Ivy Caps, but they were also wearing vests and dress clothes. Now I don’t have the balls for all that yet, but someday. Baby steps people, baby steps.

Fucking geeks looked cool though let me tell you, I was jealous.

Silly Willy Friday

I don’t know.

Anyway, what to write about…I’m about to get winter blasted by snow apparently, how about a snowy horror story?

The snow fell in heavy sheets outside the antarctic compound. Joseph, the lead science officer, watched the snow fall outside the pod windows of the compound.

He was sent to Antarctica a few years to study the effect of global warming on the ice. He protested that there was not enough scientific evidence to prove one way or another that Global Warming was even occurring, but his protests went largely unheard. “This will be your chance to prove it one way or another.” his boss told him.

Now, a few years later, Joseph sits in  a small compound with three other scientists, Janine, Ralph, and David, studying ice movement and chasing penguins.

It was a boring life.

David walks into the room and interrupts Joseph’s ‘quiet time’.

“Sir, radio communications seems to be out across the board. I can’t get in contact with anyone.”

Joseph turns to look at David. “Anyone, what do you mean?”

not a single person is answering, sir, it’s the whole rest of the world has disappeared.

“That’s impossible,” barks Joseph, “Check again. We’ve been running low on previsions for a week now, we need someone out here soon or we will starve to death.”

“Yes sir,” answers David, and he hurries out of the room.

After David leaves, Joseph opens the door to his writing desk, and pulls out a pack of smokes. He slips them in his pocket and walks to the smoking room.

Joseph enters the smoking room and sees Janine and Ralph talking to each other.

“Any news about our supplies?” asks Janine.

“No,” answers Joseph.

“Well what the hell is taking so long,” says Ralph, “A few more weeks and we’ll be completely tapped out.”

“David says he can’t raise anyone on the radio. It’s probably a bent receiver, Ralph, when there is a break in the storm, hurry outside and check the radio tower.” commands Joseph.

Ralph rolls his eyes, “Alright.” He leaves the smoking room.

“What if we can’t fix the tower?” asks Janine.

“I’m sure they’ll send someone out to us, it’s not like they could have forgotten us.” answers Joseph as he lights a cigarette.

Janine walks over to the exhaust fan and turns it on. “Well, I might as well help Ralph, see you later.”

Joseph waves to Janine as she leaves the room.

A break finally occurs in the storm a few hours later. Ralph and Janine go outside to climb the ladder to the radio tower. They find everything is fine and in complete working condition. They relay the news to Joseph and David.

“I don’t understand it then” says David, “If it’s not our equipment, then it really is like everyone fell off the face of the earth.”

“Don’t be so dramatic David,” says Joseph, “just keep your pants on, I’m sure someone is coming with supplies very soon.”

Suddenly, there is a knock on the outside door.

David walks over to the door. “That must be someone now!” he exclaims.

David rushes over to the door and opens it. David freezes in shock at what he sees: a gift wrapped package laying in the snow, there are no foot prints left behind, or any other evidence of how the present got there.

David carries the present in and shows it to the rest of the team.

“What the hell?” asks Ralph.

“Should we open it?” asks Janine.

“Just give it here,” demands Joseph, “I’ll open it.”

Joseph takes out a pen-knife and opens the wrapping and box. Inside are four dead penguins, some hot sauce, and sesame seed buns.

“My God!” yells Janine. “What does this mean?”

“It means we eat good tonight!” exclaims Ralph.

And they all had sloppy penguin-joes.

The End

I got writer’s block and I’m hungry, what do you want from me, here’s some cute anime girls.

They Did the Mash

I love survival horror games, so much in fact that I rue that I didn’t have more gaming systems growing up or a PC. There have been so many interesting horror games over the years, that I wish I could play them all, but sadly, they either haven’t aged very well, or they have been lost to time.

So on that note, keeping with my idea to write on certain subjects throughout the week, I’ll make Thursdays my horror game day. I haven’t played a whole lot, but this should probably last several weeks at least, so could be some interesting reading (hopefully).

Today I will talk about my favorite Horror series, Resident Evil (or Biohazard everywhere else). I’ve played most of the games in the series that I was able to get my hands on, and have played most of them numerous times. I have a few action figures, some collectables, posters, and yes, even read the novels. Here is a small sampling:

That is why I call it my ‘favorite’ horror game series, because as where Silent Hill 2 or Fatal Frame, in my opinion are much scarier games, I’ve only ever played SH2 once, and I’ve never finished Fatal Frame.

So onto the first Resident Evil game I ever played, and what got me hooked on survival horror, Resident Evil 2.

Now I played the N64 port that was released in 1999, which puts me at 15. I’m pretty sure I read about it in Nintendo Power, and new that the game was for me. I didn’t have too much previous horror game experience, unless I count Castlevania III for the NES or the 11th Hour for the PC, and if I’m honest, it was probably the big M Rating that really interested me, but none the less I knew I had to have it.

Now I remember being in the Toys ‘R Us with my Mom and begging her to get the game for me for my birthday, but she saw it was rated M and wasn’t sure if she should buy it. My Mom was pretty stalwart about that stuff; I was never allowed to have GI JOEs or any sort of gun related toys. So how the hell I convinced my Mom to get Resident Evil 2 for me, I’ll never know. Especially when the cover looked like this:

So anyway I’m freaking ecstatic, I load the cartridge in and fire up my N64 and dive right in, and RE2 did not disappoint, as evidenced in the intro movie.

The game was scary, still is in fact, which is why I go back to it and play it over and over again.

One example is when the Tyrant is dropped into the Police Station that you escape to after the car crash. Tyrant, or Mr. X as he called in the novel, is essentially unkillable in the beginning of the game. Your best bet is to either run the hell away, or pump him full of lead until he drops. But considering this is an early RE game, pumping him full of lead will only leave you with less ammo for the next monster that will pop out at you.

So usually Mr. X will appear, you drop him, and he won’t show up again for awhile. Well this one part in the game, he blows through a wall, and corners you, at this point you have to shoot him. He got so close that I probably could have smacked him with my dick before he dropped to the floor. I wipe the sweat from my brow, and leave the room. I walk past the new opening in the wall (keep in mind this when the environments were pre-rendered) and BAM he come busting through the wall again right in front of me! I actually yelled JESUS FUCK HOLY and dropped my controller. Am I a big wimp? Probably, but just like horror movies or Haunted house rides, they are way more fun if you can get scared easily.

So does RE2 have cheap scares? Oh hell yes, especially with the Lickers, which are incidentally my favorite enemy from anything ever.

What makes RE2 great though is the creepy characters you come across, the cut scenes, and the creepy story. For anyone who’s played RE2 all I have to do is mention Chief Irons, and you know exactly what I mean by this game being fucking creepy.

So we got scares, gore, zombies (which Capcom better bring back in a proper RE game dammit!), biological monsters, creepy story, memorable characters…and what else? Oh yeah! Multiple play through, four in fact! The first vid up above is if you pick Claire, this is if you pick Leon.

Yup, if you play the A story the first time through with Leon, you meet different characters than Claire will, and when you beat it, you can play it again as Claire through the B story line, which will take you to different parts of the game. This works the other way too. So essentially the game because 4x as long as you’d expect! And there are unlocks and secrets to get, such as alternate costumes and weapons.

Resident Evil 2 was also the first game in the series to introduce the incredible bad-ass HUNK, the UMBRELLA hired mercenary dropped into Racoon City to confiscate a new strain of the T Virus.

Now I don’t want to go too far in detail about the game, just in case anyone reading this has never played it. I’ve played the A and B stories for both Leon and Claire twice on the N64, then again for the release on the Game Cube. This game also exists on the first Playstation and the PC. I can tell you that the N64 and the GameCube are identical to each other, and has an extra “item shuffle” mode than the PSX, so I would suggest getting those versions over the PSX version. However the cut-scenes are crappier looking on the N64 than the disc versions.

So yeah, I’m trying to get better at this ‘review’ type writing, I know my posts can be a little disjointed, so if anyone out there wants to comment and give me some constructive criticism, I’d really appreciate it.

Ok so expect these every Thursday, I’ll probably write a more in depth analysis on RE2 in the future, because I’ve played it so damn much, and I just love talking about it!

Wacky Wikipedia Wednesdays!!!!!!!

Ok, so I sort of cheated by saying to myself, “Ok, I’ll hit random on wikipedia three times, and pick the best one.”

So the first one was “Government Contract flight”, or as I’d like to call it “fucking boring”.

The second was some kind of play.

But the third, now I can see why they say “third times the charm”.

Today’s Wikipedia Post: Kipp Noll

Kipp Noll was a very successful Gay Porn actor during the late 1970’s and early 1980’s. He was born August 7th, 1957.

Unfortunately not a lot is known about Kipp Noll besides that he starred in numerous popular gay pornographic films. Even the date of his death, May 21st, 2001 requires citation on Wikipedia. In fact most of what is known about Kipp Noll, which is his stage name by the way, is mostly rumor.

What is known is his illustrious pornographic career, which made him famous and took him all over the country and the world. Other men were even cast to be his ‘brothers’, for movie purposes.

Indeed Kipp Noll is a mystery, but at least he will live forever in his films, and in our hearts.

If you would like to see more of Kipp Noll, here is a list of films he starred in:

2. Grease Monkeys

3. Cuming of Age

4. Class of ‘84

5. Young Men of the ’80s Volume 4

6. Wild Young Fuckers

7. Try to Take It

10. For You #6

11. Director’s Best: William Higgins Volume 2

12. Catalina Orgies Volume 2

13. Brothers Should Do It

14. Boys of Venice

15. The Best of Kip Noll

Please visit your local Video Store’s Adult Video section for more information on Kip Noll.

Interesting story about Adult Video, they seem to be disappearing, which a damn shame. A little while ago I found out that this local video store where I moved to was closing down, so I decided to check it out, because they were having a going out of business sale.

I went inside and I picked up a few used DVDs and video games. Good ones too, like Fatal Frame and Gungrave.

now I was walking around when I saw it: A long hallway that led to an adult video section. The room was bigger than my old bedroom! I didn’t want to buy too much because buying porn is for suckers, but they did have some hentai so I picked up Campus which unfortunately involved a story about a brother and sister who in a past life were lovers. Fucking Japanese and their incest, swear to God.

Good sex scenes though.

As an alternative I suggest Swallow Tail Inn, it’s about a woman who has to put on sex shows after her husband dies and leaves her in charge of a failing Inn. good stuff, especially when her niece shows up. Again, fucking Japanese and their incest, but they don’t actually do anything to each other, they just double team a guy who’s trying to train them for better sex.

What the hell am I writing?!

I Don’t Wanna

Write about no anime character today so I don’t know what I’m gonna wright about.

So once there was this man who was born from the inside of a tree. He sprang forth from a mighty Red Wood. The forest sprites that saw him spring forth from with in the tree named him Red and raised him as one of their own.

Red was much bigger than his family of forest sprites. In time Red grew to be ten feet tall, where as the forest sprites were only the size of his pinky finger.

Soon it was time for Red to leave the forest and go on adventures. Red did not want to leave his family, but they urged him to go for he was too large and was becoming a fucking inconvenience to have around.

So before Red left he created magnificent armor from the Red Wood tree from hence he sprang, and left the forest in search of adventure.

Red traveled far until one day he happened upon a strange village. The village seemed empty upon entering, so Red decided to make it his home.

That night when Red slept he heard a strange scrathing noise coming from outside his window. Red grabbed his Smith & Wesson Model 500 .50-Cal Magnum revolver and walked quietly over to the shuttered window.

He listened, but the scratching did not continue.

Relieved, Red released the hammer of his Smith & Wesson Model 500 .50-Cal Magnum revolver and walked back to his bed.

Suddenly the door to his bedroom came crashing open! In the doorway stood Red’s most feared foes: Munchkin Kittens!

Red tried to grab his Smith & Wesson Model 500 .50-Cal Magnum revolver to defend against the hundreds of feline monsters but the cats were too quick! Instantly the Munchkins with their adorable tiny legs started sharpening their claws on Red’s Red Wood armor.

Luckily Red wasn’t wearing the armor so he just walked away.

As Red left the village in his underwear he heard a loud explosion over the hill. Red ran as fast as he could over the hill to see what alll the commotion was all about.

Over the hill, Red saw what caused the explosion: some douchbags  screwing around with fire crackers. Red walked up to the teenagers and told them that if they didn’t stop screwing around, he was going to give them such a pinch.

Thedouchbags apoligized but then were torn apart by the Munchkin kittens soon afterwards.

Red continued on his journey for adventure for 1000 years until settling in a strange place called Hollywood. There he had a successful career under another name as a movie actor. After retiring from acting he became the mayor of Hollywood. You may know him better as: Arnold Schwarzenegger.

THE END