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Archive for July, 2008

The Sound of Music

July 30, 2008 7 comments

I was thinking today about how in movies the perfect music always plays when something happens to a character. Well, I’ve had some real life experiences with perfect music playing during a situation, and they both involve Asian Restaurants.

The first was when I visited Boston for the first time. My dad and I ate at this Chinese place, which oddly enough happened to be on the only scary block in all of Boston, like the block was overcast with stormy clouds while all the surrounding area was sunny, and homeless people abound.

Anyway, after our meal I excuse myself to go make poopies in the bathroom. You know, as apposed to making poopies in the kitchen. So I go in there and I notice that Bachman-Turner Overdrive’s ‘Taking Care of Business’ is playing over the radio. I was laughing my ass off because I was indeed ‘taking care of business’. Although due to an extended stay in the bathroom due to I’m sure what was a meal loaded with fecal causing ingredients, I realized the people of that fine establishment played ‘Taking Care of Business’ on a constant loop in the bathroom. Which was awesome because the owners enjoyed poop humor.

The second perfect moment involved my eating at a Japanese Restaurant in Quantico, VA. Just a little while ago I had a ‘falling out’ as it were with a chick I was seeing in Boston. I had a spent a week with her and about a couple of weeks later she tells me she’s seeing someone else. Before you start feeling sorry for me it was mostly my fault, I was being really wishy-washy about having a relationship because I lived 8 hours away from her. Long distance relationships having historically not been kind to me.

So my favorite thing we did together when I stayed with her for a week, well, second favorite thing we did together (Insert Quagmire giggity here) was that we ate at a small Japanese place that had awesome curry. It was just really nice.

So while I’m in Quantico eating at this Japanese place I start to think about that time we spent together, and what song starts playing over the radio at that exact moment?

I was like “Oh what the fuck? That’s just cruel!”

I’d like to hear some of your stories of music playing during a perfect moment in your life. Like losing your virginity while ‘Like a Virgin’ suddenly starts playing on the radio…DC. That’s right, I know.

FLABSLAPPER KNOWS ALL YOUR SEXY SECRETS.

Dan once got a hand job to “I’m Walking on Sunshine”

And JoshC got a Rusty Trombone while listening to Carole King’s ‘Jazzman’.

On a side note my life’s aspiration is to receive a Blowgie before I die.

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On the Road Again

July 27, 2008 10 comments

So like my dad just bought a 2008 Mustang and he heard about a nice scenic road that takes you along the river coast that takes you right into Dover where a Air Force Museum is. So he’s driving right, when I notice a squirrel laying in the middle of the road, dead as can be. I was like ‘Aw that poor squirrel.’ So as my dad swerves a little to avoid running over the dead squirrel, what do you think happens next. Son of a Bitch Dead Squirrel springs into action and runs straight for us. I swear to Christ the fucking squirrel was lying in the middle of the road, motionless, then does one of those kung-fu jumps back onto his feet and starts gunning for us. I’ve never seen anything like that, ever. I’ve seen squirrels try to run across the street and then stop and look at you all dumb-founded and shit, but laying in wait? Are you fucking kidding me!? Fucking kamikaze squirrel tried to Shanghai us! Here’s a picture of the culprit.

but this is what i’ll see in my nightmares

I suppose its my fault. When I was a child I was throwing snow balls at a squirell. It ran straight at me and I ran for my life back into my house. They’ve been after me ever since. I found one hanging on the screen of my window trying to get into my room so it chew through my juggular. And this other squirell got into my attick and made a nest in the box where I kept my awesome town Legos. My…mom threw them all away. I ran upstairs with a bat screaming for squirell blood! Still, I cannot bring myself to harm another living creature, no matter how many squirells they send to end me, I will never stoop to their level. You either die a hero or you live long enough to see yourself become the villian.

“Who are you?”

“I’m Squirel Man!”

Categories: Uncategorized

Bat To See

July 25, 2008 16 comments

So I ordered this little beauty from Amazon a few days ago

Jawsome, truly Jawsome

But that’s not why I’m here today. I started building this at around 6:30pm today. I didn’t finish until 9pm. This isn’t my first time building a Lego but its definitely been a year, and before that probably 7 or 8 years since I was real huge into Lego’s. But 2 1/2 hours !? Jesus Hell! What I noticed about these new Lego instruction manuals is that they have the pieces separated into numbered bags, and your supposed to build each vehicle separately and they have BIG RED X’s over pictures of kids pouring all the bag’s contents into one big pile. Oh, and you should only build a Lego on top of a smooth surface like a table.

Um excuse me? That’s missing the whole point of what building a Lego is all about! You’re supposed to open all the bags and pour them into a big pile onto a dark, multi-colored shag carpet so that every time you need a tiny, tiny, small black tile piece, your crawling around on the floor for an hour until you realize its been embedded in your knee the entire time! That’s what made it fun! Every new added piece was a new adventure!

But no, they want you to follow the rules! Well fuck you! I’m 23 years old and if I want to build a Batman Lego for 2 1/2 hours because I can’t tell the difference between a dark grey piece and a black piece in your instruction manual, which forced me to take apart the Joker’s Ice Cream truck 3 times so that I could take those pieces out, than that’s my God given right!

Also for some reason they stopped doing that thing where the new pieces that you are supposed to add are a lighter color than the pieces that have been added already on the new page. That just made every page a goddamn Where’s Waldo for the new piece I’m supposed to add. That and my legs kept falling asleep because I’m 20 fucking 3 years old building a Lego Indian legged on my fabulous 1970’s decorated basement floor.

But here are the blurry results:

Fuck. Yes.

Oh, and I wanted to see the Dark Knight so bad my dick was hard. And it did not disappoint.

Bonus points for anyone who knows what movie quote that’s supposed to be a play on.

Pictures of me half naked if you know what show this is:

And I will deliver, so if you know the answer, you’d do well to keep it to yourself, on that you can trust me. I’m, ha ha, very hairy, pale, and slightly doughy.

Categories: Uncategorized

You Can Blame it All On Me

July 15, 2008 8 comments

So as an apology to DC, I thought I’d share some embarrassing stories about myself.

So my friend used to have this cat that annoyed the hell out of me, so being the clever guy I am, I thought that it would be funny to fart in the cat’s face.

Well I got more than I bargained for…

because I pooped myself a little. I was 22 years old.

This other time I was talking on the phone with my girlfriend.

I was sick in bed at the time. So I’m on the phone with her and I had to fart.

Well, ended up I completely water-shit myself. It went through my pants and got on my bed. I was like “OH MY GOD!” and she asked “What’s wrong?” and I yelled…

“I JUST SHIT MYSELF I’LL CALL YOU BACK!” She broke up with me a week later. I was 20.

Are we cool now, DC? I sorry ;_;

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Baby Come Back

July 15, 2008 10 comments

Damn, haven’t posted in a while, I just couldn’t think of anything interesting to write about lately.

So E3 is going on today, the video game conference where we’ll find out about whats going to be worth playing in the next few years.

So how many people out there own a Wii? The Wii is the only current generation system I own right now, I’ll be forced to buy a PS3 or an XBOX 360 when Resident Evil 5 comes out, but until then I’ll be waggling and a-wiggling my wiimote around.

Some of you may remember my review about Alone in the Dark Wii a few weeks ago, which basically beat my faith in the Wii within an inch of its small life. I’m a Nintendo fan, been one since I can remember, but I’ve been really let down so far with the Wii. But don’t get me wrong, I don’t see anything really great about any of the current systems out now. I guess I’ve just become tired of playing all the same basic games over the years, even Zelda, which I’d probably kill everyone on the planet if it would mean that I could be Link for five minutes, has gotten kinda stale to me. Its just the same old thing game after game whether it be a shooter, adventure, RPG, platform, racer, they’re just all kinda boring.

I had high hopes for the Wii because I like the idea of pointing and wiggling, games I had become bored with would become fun again if it meant I could mimic in-game movements in real life, can you tell that I’ll be the first person to test a Virtual Reality game? I thought that the Wii would make VR seem just a little bit closer to a reality. But alas, what do we get? Mini games and Mario shoved down our throats. Now there are some good games on the Wii, as are on the PS3 and the XBOX 360, but they seem so few and far between now. It just seems to be sequel after sequel instead of original games.

Have I just become jaded from years of video-gaming? Or has the video game industry hit a slump? I’d love to hear some of your opinions.

Categories: Uncategorized

She Works Hard For the Money

July 9, 2008 4 comments

I writing this from the warehouse where I work, here’s how the day has been so far:

AGHAHAHGAHGAHGAGAHGAGHAGHAHAHGHAGAHGAHGHAGHAGAGAHGHAGHAAGEREREGEGGGERERAHHARHAHTRAHHAEGHAEHGHAEHGHAEGHASEGHUISDFTFEIGTBYRIGERUYSBGIRBHGKLFBVKHASDFLBVKSDAHBGAWOHBTIOWERNVTHWIAOBTHAWERNTGRYABVGT SO MANY BOXES GER RAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHHA HOO HEE HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA BOXES MUST DESTROY WORLD WIPE OUT TREES SO THERE IS NO MORE CARDBOARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How you doin’?

Categories: Uncategorized

Dirty Little Secret

July 6, 2008 4 comments

Let’s talk about guilty pleasures. If you’re Catholic, like myself, your guilty pleasure is undoubtedly masturbation. But since I’ve done that five times between waking up Friday morning and now, I’m too tired to even think about masturbation. Instead (that is, if you’re still reading this) I want to talk about another guilty pleasure of mine: Now I first found about Fruits Basket after a friend from high school suggested I watch the anime. Now at that time the only anime I had seen included Dragon Ball Z, Pokemon, the Fighting Foodons, and basically stuff that was just too adult for me to understand, like Akira, or basic crap like Sailor Moon, which I still watched religiously because, hey, as Matt from X-Entertainment can attest to, Sailor Mercury is pretty hot.

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Anyway in other words I was very new to this concept of Japanese Animation Animu. So my friend and I get to talking about anime and he suggests I watch Fruits Basket, I look at him and say “Fruits. Fruits Basket. Fruits?” And he says for me to trust him. So I watch the first episode with him and several of his friends that are over, and I’m joking around about it, talking shit about it and such. But unknown to me something was awakening inside of me that I could not describe.

Anyway, I tell him I’ll give it a shot and he lets me borrow it. I watched every goddamn 26 episodes in like two days. “There’s just something about this show man!” I say to myself. I laughed, I cried, I laughed again, I cried way too much. The characters are easy to relate too. Its just a perfect show. So I notice the last disk had a audio track of the voice actors talking about the show. So I’m watching it and the actors are talking about how they were happy to make an anime that wasn’t guys fighting or giant robots, then they said something that shocked me. They were finally happy to make an anime aimed towards girls for a change. Which made me have flash backs of the show.

Girls. Aimed towards girls. I’m not a girl! But I loved this show. My God! What the hell! So I look up this anime and see how its classified. Its classified as ‘Shojo’, Shojo being a term used in English to refer to anime or manga aimed at a female audience between the ages of 10 and 18. Now I was 18 at the time, sure, but as hard I wished it to be true I was not a girl! So for like five minutes I figured I was gay, and then I reminded myself of Pixie from Monster Rancher:

and realized that I’m not gay, just a straight pervert.

also Daria

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