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Like a Vagina

The first time JoshC and I met eh?

Well the way I remember it, see, is I was sailing through the universe on my rocket rainbow shark, Friggly, in search of strange new alien women to impregnate. This day was special though. I saw an unusual planet in the distance. The planet looked as if two planets had collided, shaping an almost, double planet. Like a plump apple butt.

Curious, I flew towards the planet, wondering what erotic inhabitants might live there. But lo, before I could safely land my rainbow shark, a mighty comet smashed into my side, killing my faithful fish, and sending me drastically off coarse. I floated forever through the harsh unforgiving waste of Space, when finally I saw a light in the distance. As I floated nearer, I saw a singular log cabin, with a red maple leaf painted on the roof.

I slowly opened the door, and was met with the heavenly aroma of maple syrup and marijuana smoke. I looked around the room, but saw no one. Suddenly, the door swings open behind me, I turn, and see a mighty man riding a monstrous moose appear in the doorway.

‘WHO BE YE?’ the man’s voice thunders,

“I be me, Flabslapper, mighty vanquisher of all heavenly vaginae across the cosmos.”

The man laughs, “HA! LIES! For I am the slayer of the slit the minstrels will sing of till the end of time!”.

I ponder this statement over in my mind. Surely this man is impressive, but no man is greater at the horizontal hey-hey than I.

“A challenge I bequeath unto you my mighty friend!”

He bellows, “I’m listening!”

“He who knocketh up the most maidens across the stars in one day may hold the title of Mighty ManWhore!”

“I accept your challenge, for you will surely lose!” he says confidently.

So we set off, him on his mighty moose, me, having my only means of conveyance destroyed, set off on my divining rod, by which i mean my penis, and set forth for victory. Oh, and how many women we slew. The Tentacle Women of Garzonia gave me a little trouble, but only because I enjoyed their unforgettable art of ‘A Thousand Reach Arounds’, did I never want to leave. But leave I did, for the Three Breasted Juggodoans, The Mile Wide Viganachins, the Futa-torians, and the planet full of those really cute Hot Topic goth chicks I love so very much, you know, not those totally goth girls, the fake kinds that wear dark eye-liner and 80’s TV show t-shirts that are a size too small. Mmmm.

Where was I? Oh yeah, so the day was nearly through, so I returned to the log cabin, where I found the man sitting calmly in his recliner, drinking a Molson Dry and enjoying his free health care.

“So how many alien women did you virtuously bang my friend?”

He paused, took a deep breath, and answered “One hundred million billion.”

My jaw dropped. “That’s one more than I slept with! My ManWhore King, what is your name so that I may tattoo it on my penis? ”

He answers, “JoshC.”

“I bow to you JoshC, my King.”

And then he punched me in the back of the head and said “That’s for all the Canadian jokes.”

And that’s how JoshC and I met.

Categories: Uncategorized
  1. August 10, 2008 at 4:53 pm

    God what a day that was my friend, we must do it again!

  2. DC
    August 11, 2008 at 10:14 pm

    Just like poetry.

  3. Dan
    August 12, 2008 at 6:46 pm

    Words truly do fail me at this time! I had no idea Josh knew how to ride a moose! I’m gonna have to let this one settle for a bit so I can make a more appropriate comment.

  4. August 12, 2008 at 8:01 pm

    I can tame even the wildest beasts Dan-O, why do you think Flabslapper and I are such great friends?
    But thats another story entirely…

  5. MikeSoup
    August 15, 2008 at 6:26 pm


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