Home > Uncategorized > 1:06 AM – 1:53 AM

1:06 AM – 1:53 AM

So I can’t sleep, or rather, I don’t feel like sleeping for some reason, so I’m going to type nonsense about the most perfect food ever invented

Muffins are amazing. There is no better food than those soft, sweet, squishy dessert-like breakfast snack goodness. The best thing about muffins is that you can make a muffin out of anything. I once had a fudge and cream cheese muffin from the Coffee Beanery. Fuck yeah. The best thing about the Coffee Beanery are the cute high school girls that work there that make my pants get tight for reasons I don’t quite understand.

If I had three wishes, these would be my three wishes. No, not these three girls…although…

Wish number One: I would wish for my own private island that I could live on forever. It would be an awesome sandy beach island that has cool dinosaurs that would be my friends and not eat me.

Wish number Two: I would wish for my island to be inhabited by various cute naked girls of various ethnic backgrounds and breast sizes that were also nymphomaniacs. They would feed me and give me back rubs and blow jobs and I would rub their shoulders and feet too because I am not a selfish lover.

Wish Number Three: I would wish for my island to have a magical muffin tree that would grow an endless assortment of delicious muffins long after the end of time. These muffins would include:

1. Chocolate Chip

2. Blue Berry

3. Corn

4. Double Chocolate Chocolate Chip

5. Bacon and Cheese (I can’t believe these actually exist, Jesus Jumped-up Fuck Pants)

6. Orange Cranberry

7. Bran (even though they make me shit a brick)

8. Double Bacon Chocolate Chip

I hope that whenever the Sandman blesses me with sweet, sandy slumber, he allows me to dream of my endless sex muffin island, and I hope I never wake up ever again. Except maybe periodically so that I can update my blog for my fans.

Also Shin-Chan is a fucking hilarious show.

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Categories: Uncategorized
  1. August 17, 2008 at 2:40 pm

    Shin Chan!!!
    May I visit this glorious island?

    Also, Jesus.is.riding.a.dinosaur.

  2. Awesomeo
    August 17, 2008 at 3:22 pm

    Why did I read that

  3. flabslapper
    August 17, 2008 at 4:47 pm

    because for the same reason I wrote it Awesomeo:

    you had nothing else better to do

  4. Awesomeo
    August 17, 2008 at 11:31 pm

    I guess, but geez

  5. flabslapper
    August 18, 2008 at 12:12 am

    Just because of that, JoshC is the only man allowed on my muffin island, for the obvious reason for when I grow tired of having sex with only women

  6. DC
    August 18, 2008 at 11:46 am

    I’m just trying to figure out why Jesus is holding what appears to be a baby alligator.

  7. Dan
    August 18, 2008 at 9:48 pm

    I was gonna appeal the whole Josh being the only guy on the island thing but then I read the sex thing and changed my mind.

    Oh and what Josh said about JC.
    You scare me sometimes man and yet I keep coming back!

  8. jakeppetersen
    August 28, 2012 at 2:06 pm

    I wonder if you would get fat from the constant muffins, or fit from the constant sex. We need to enact this experiment and find out…

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