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Archive for February, 2010

My Newest Man Crush: Chris Antista

February 26, 2010 Leave a comment

I have a new man crush, and his name is Chris Antista of Gamesradar and Talkradar host fame.

He is just delisious. Not only is he very handsome, but he is also hilariously funny and vulgar. Basically if you want a good dead baby rape joke, you listen to Chris Antista on Talkradar podcast.

I’m seriously in love with Chris Antista. I’ve only started to listening to the Talkradar podcast forthe past four or five podcasts, but I’ve since downloaded several dozen of the past podcasts, and they are all fantastic.

Chris Antista jam packs the podcasts with wonderful video game information, great music, and hilarious sound effects, my favorite being the Heath Ledger Joker’s “Yeah”.

The more I find out about Chris Antista, the more I love him. Take for instance, this photo.

He is wearing a Greek fisherman’s hat. My favorite hat ever is a Greek fisherman’s hat! I almost bought one, but the black one wasn’t my size, and I didn’t want to buy a gray or white one.

You know who else wears a Greek fisherman’s hat? Robert De Niro in the movie Cape Fear.

I want to lick Chris Antista, there I said it. I won’t say where though (his sideburns).

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Wacky Wikipedia Wednesday Today

February 24, 2010 Leave a comment

Actually I have to tell the truth, I fucking hit random like twenty times but I actually came across something interesting for once.

These guys are The Flower Kings, and they seriously rock. I don’t know if they are obscure or not, but I’ve never heard of them. To be fair what I don’t know could fill a warehouse, but still I’m surprised I never heard of these guys before. I’m not going to write about them so much, you can read about them here.

What I will do though, is include some vids of their music. I really like these guys now, they came out in 1994 but they have a pretty distinctive vibe, it’s like if the 70’s and 90’s made sweet, sweet love to one another, this would be the result.

Much like how I would like to make sweet love to Samantha Pynn.

Jesus just look at that face, you ain’t fooling me babe, I know you know you’re hot.

I get most of my traffic from the pics of Samantha Pynn and David Bromstad, so I figured it would be worth mentioning them again to see if I could get some more readers BWA HA HAH AH AAAAAH!

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Anime Bad-Ass: Hideki Motosuwa

February 23, 2010 2 comments

Hideki Motosuwa is from a fairly popular anime and manga series called Chobits. Now this may be an odd choice for a ‘bad-ass’, but stick with me for a minute.

The story of Chobits revolves around a college drop-out who would love to buy a persocom, which is an android that can be used as personal computer.

Obviously people use these persocoms for way more interesting things than reading blogs or checking their e-mails.

Hideki just so happens to find a persocom lying in a back alley in the trash (gotta love anime), and he takes it home, like what I do whenever I see someone throwing out a CRT television.

He takes the persocom home, well lugs it home because she’s built like a dainty little girl but she freaking weighs a ton.

Now in the anime she’s wrapped up loosely like a mummy, but in the manga he finds her, uh it, naked in the trash. The thing is he can’t figure out how to turn her on. He tries pretty much everywhere, and fears that it must be broken, and that’s why it was in the trash.

He realizes that he hasn’t tried everywhere, he realizes he hasn’t tried her vajayjay.

So he reaches down there, without looking mind you, and ‘lo and behold it springs to life.

So dude has an incredibly cute robot chick that he could so totally bang if he wants too. so what’s the catch? Well, she’s basically has the mind of a child.

Yeah, her ‘mind’ has been damaged somehow and Hideki needs to teach her and help her learn how to act around people properly.

Sound creepy? Well yeah, it sort of is, but it’s kind of sweet too, because they develop this relationship out of it, and he really starts to care for her nad try to protect her.

So why is he bad-ass? Because dude has the will power of a fucking monk. The guy has a goddamn robot chick, most of time who’s half naked, MOST of the time trying to do things to him because she don’t really understand what she’s doing (where hilarity ensues) and the guy DOES NOT TOUCH HER.

I guess in his situation, I wouldn’t do anything either, but goddamn I seriously can’t wait for robot women. Because it would totally bring about the total destruction of mankind, which the show actually touches upon, and Futurama famously devoted an entire episode to.

Would I have a robot girlfriend? Depends on how the AI is. Though I’d imagine if the AI was really good they would go off and do other stuff besides give me hand jobs all day, which is like, the only thing I would have it do.

Oh, there are other kinds of persocoms too, tiny like a pixie.

You don’t even want to know the kind of stuff I’d do to that thing.

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Random Thoughts Friday?

February 19, 2010 Leave a comment

I heard this song on the radio yesterday and completely forgot about how fuck-awesome it is.

Let’s break this song down a little.

The first reason why this song is awesome is because he is singing to a 16 year old girl. Which, you know, I ain’t completely against a person having a legitimately legal, non-sexual relationship with a 16 year old girl. Have you seen girls now-a-days? It’s freaking impossible to tell how old anyone is anymore.

The second reason this song is awesome, is because if the guy, Benny Mardones, was like 20 or hell MAYBE 23 he would only border on the obscene for getting involved with a 16 year old girl. Fucker was 33 when he came out with this song. Thirty-three! Dude’s got balls of steel, that’s for sure.

Third reason this song is awesome is because it’s actually pretty damn romantic! It both rocks, and tugs at my heart strings, thus making it a great song to make-out to…I imagine. I just made myself sad.

That’s random thought number One. Random thoughts number Dues comes from a very fuck-awesome crazy ass 67 year old Motherfucker from Oakland.

Now the first time I saw this, I thought this guy beat the crap out of a 20 year old, and thus laughed my ass off. But some more information came out afterward, that made it less funny the more I found out.

Now firstly, the 67 year old dude is wearing a shirt that says, “I AM A MOTHERFUCKER”, now already I can tell that this alone probably started the altercation, and that this man is no doubt unaccustomed to starting shit with people.

Secondly, the other dude is actually 50, thus solidifying what Oprah has said all these years, “Black don’t crack.” Seriously, black dudes age WELL. Not like white people….yeeeeesh.

Anyway, here is the third bit of evidence that made Epic Beard Guy less awesome to me. Or more awesome, I haven’t decided yet.

Yup, 67 year old dude is being tazed for drunken disorderly conduct at a baseball game. Again, this man is obviously constantly looking to start shit with people.

The only lesson I have come up with out of all this is: Do not start shit with people on the bus. And as another person said in a response video, “never judge a book by its’ cover.” Sure the guy is old, still kicked that guy’s ass all over the bus though.

Actually this interview just came out with the guy, Tom Slick, I apologize for the above comments, it’s obvious the guy may have some mental problems, which actually makes this s little sad. Funny, but sad.

I want the fucking snow to melt already.

And then there is 67 year old Epic Beard Guy’s 70 year old wife, who just happens to fight crime.

I showed this to a friend of mine who said, “I wonder what would have happened if this was a butcher shop?”

And now for some tits.

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Fucking Wacky Wikipedia Wednesday

February 17, 2010 Leave a comment

Jesus the Christ what the fuck have I gotten myself into.

Mother fucking Dean, Texas goddamn it.

It’s got 341 people living there in 131 homes and 105 families. Now I ain’t no mathamagician, but that means there are like 20 people living in each house, right? God damn, that’s insane. There must be hell to pay when they have national Taco Week in Dean, Texas.

So since there isn’t any information on Dean, Texas besides the census taken there 10 fucking years ago in 2000, I’m just gonna make shit up.

The great city of Dean was founded by a Mister Dean Texaston in the year 1852. He got really drunk off of some fumes coming from an over ripened enchilada, and tripped balls for several days until stumbling into a unowned area of Texas. Dean, hopped up on beans decided to settle there and name the land Dean after himself because he wasn’t that clever.

Soon, an Native American woman named Hooters Biggums found Dean trying to hump a cactus on what had been his tenth day on his spicy Mexican dish trip, and took pity on him. They had two lovely children, named Timmy and Oh My God the Enchilada Wizard has Come to Eat my Kidneys.

They built a house out of cactus and rocks and lived there for many years.

One day Dean was digging in the desert and struck oil, making him and his family filthy rich. Soon people from all over Texas got wind of this, and settled in Dean…the city, not the man.

After the town became rich they built a huge wall around Dean (again, the City) so that no one else could move in, and that is how they have kept the population down to under 350 people for nearly 200 years.

Dean Texaston can still be seen in the Dean Museum, his brain has been kept alive in the brine of a pickle jar. Truly amazing.

On an unrelated note, yesterday was the official day of Pancakes, so I went to IHOP and got the bottomless pancakes ate like, 15 or something, and then I tripped balls.

And so everyone knows, check the website to make sure, but I believe that on the 23rd IHOP is giving out free short stacks of pancakes to celebrate Pancake day. Why they didn’t do that yesterday, I don’t know, but fuck it because I ate 15+ pancakes for $4.99.

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Anime Bad-Ass and whatever

February 16, 2010 Leave a comment

I’m a guy with a nervous personality, so my mind has been preoccupied lately. I never wanted to turn my blog into a damn live journal, but I suppose it bares explaining that I am trying to write professionally, and have hit my first ‘writer’s block’, and have become discouraged. Not enough to stop writing mind you, but enough to miss a few days none the less.

By the way, I don’t consider my writings on my blog ‘professional’, I’m talking about my personal writings, but writing ‘bullshit’ everyday is just as hard as writing ‘realshit’ everyday as well, and I am everyday more and more impressed by bloggers and writers who do it.

Well I supposed I’ve wasted enough of your time, it was taking me a minute to think of someone to write about, but I think I got it.

So Mikura Suzuki is a kick-ass mercenary for hire. She is tough, sexy, and knows her way around a gun.

There are technically three ways to enjoy Mikura, the first is in the movie Mezzo Forte.

Mezzo Forte, which came out in 1998, is basically a really cool action movie with hints of sci-fi and some other stuff thrown in. The story is good, but seeing as this is Japanese it of course has a bullshit vague sub-plot that adds no real weight to the story and ultimately only leads to confusing things in the end.

But is it good? If you like seeing a hot chick kick the shit out of people, which I very much do, then yes, this movie is very good.

Now, the second way to see Mikura is in the uncensored version of Mezzo Forte.

Now the only thing the uncensored version adds to the regular Mezzo Forte movie is two sudden and jarring out-of-no-where highly explicit sex scenes with Mikura. These sex scenes are VERY good. Very, very good. The guys involved are sort of ugly though, which sucks.

So since either version’s story is essentially the same, whichever one you watch is up to you, but I highly suggest watching Mezzo Forte either way.

The third way to enjoy Mikura is in the anime series Mezzo.

Mezzo, which came out in 2003, is in a different art and writing style, and personally, I prefer the movie over the series. Now I just blindly bought the series since I enjoyed the movie so much, but I cannot suggest you do the same. As with the movie, the action is good but the writing is weak. And since this was a show with 13 episodes, the writing is much weaker than the movie.

But is it worth watching? Yeah, definitely, and Mikura is fucking cute in this show.

I found these when I was looking for pics.

This was my face when I saw these:

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I Never Can Say Goodbye

February 13, 2010 Leave a comment

Sorry I didn’t write anything yesterday, I had severe writer’s block and I wanted to work on my new story instead.

So as an apology, I will post various soft core pics from my personal Teen Titans Raven collection.

I hope that works as an apology.

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