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Wacky Wikipedia Wednesdays

So like I was bored and I thought that I would give Wikipedia a test run with my random entry idea. Things ain’t looking too good because I got an article about some freaking Luxembourgian politician named Jean-Pierre Klein, which would be fine I guess but the entry is barely five sentences long.

So I was all like ‘fuck that’ and hit random a few times and got to an article about streaking. Fucking article was massive. Way too much goddamn information about the act of being nude in public. But whatever.

So instead of doing any kind of post today that is intellectually educational at all, and so I could start another paragraph with the word ‘so’ (I really have to stop doing that), I’m going to educate you on why  suspenders on women are so fucking hot. And talk a little why suspenders on men can be hot too.

Why Suspenders are Hot on Women

Reason number one should be obvious, as seen above, is that suspenders on a fully clothed woman accentuates the breasts, possibly pushing the breasts closer together in a cleavage producing effect if the suspenders are tight enough.

The second reason is that suspenders on a topless girl is hot because the straps can be placed over the nipples, thus producing a soft core image. As we all know, a girl isn’t truly topless unless you can see nipples. And I ain’t talking no hint of nipple either, I’m talking full blown nipples all spherical( or oblong as the case may be) all up in your face.

Reason number three would have to be the “You don’t see that too often” example. how often do you see a chick wearing suspenders? Not nearly enough I assure you. In fact I can’t even find that much on the freaking internet, and that’s a damn shame.

Reason number four is that sexualizing suspenders makes bed room role-playing simple and attainable. You wanna see your chick in suspenders? you can order some cheap ones online for like $12. You got a fetish for leather, s&M and hot wax? Well holy shit prepare to make some budget choices because real leather is expensive, let alone that you’ll have to buy new candles every time you want some hot wax on your balls.

That shit can become costly, unless you buy bulk candles, which I don’t even though if that exists, unless you like that fancy ass Yankee Candle shit, then you better get a second job for Christ sake.

Reason number five is suspenders can easily be used as makeshift hand cuffs if you’re into kinky shit, as demonstrated in my favorite movie Total Recall. Though not actually suspenders, you can see that the effect would be the same.

Reason number six is you can snap them if the girl likes it a little rough. You and your girl are fooling around, she likes her boobies handled a little rough, you snap her suspenders for stinging feeling. Some girls are into that shit.

Now as far as guys in suspenders go all of these reasons apply except for obviously the breast thing, unless he has man boobies, in which case I guess it does apply.

AND HERE’S ME:

So there you go I just gave you something to think about. I would totally rock suspenders myself, but then I’d have to wear dress pants all the time and I hate wearing pants at all, let alone dress pants. But if I get a fancy job I’ll totally do it.

Here’s another one

That’s whip cream alright don’t be gross you sick freaks.

Have this one too.

Goddamn.

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  1. Nate
    November 14, 2010 at 8:07 am

    who is the hot girl at the last~~do you know her name?

    • flabslapper
      December 15, 2010 at 12:43 pm

      dude I wish I did! I’d google the SHIT out of her lol!

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