Home > Uncategorized > Fucking Wacky Wikipedia Wednesday

Fucking Wacky Wikipedia Wednesday

Jesus the Christ what the fuck have I gotten myself into.

Mother fucking Dean, Texas goddamn it.

It’s got 341 people living there in 131 homes and 105 families. Now I ain’t no mathamagician, but that means there are like 20 people living in each house, right? God damn, that’s insane. There must be hell to pay when they have national Taco Week in Dean, Texas.

So since there isn’t any information on Dean, Texas besides the census taken there 10 fucking years ago in 2000, I’m just gonna make shit up.

The great city of Dean was founded by a Mister Dean Texaston in the year 1852. He got really drunk off of some fumes coming from an over ripened enchilada, and tripped balls for several days until stumbling into a unowned area of Texas. Dean, hopped up on beans decided to settle there and name the land Dean after himself because he wasn’t that clever.

Soon, an Native American woman named Hooters Biggums found Dean trying to hump a cactus on what had been his tenth day on his spicy Mexican dish trip, and took pity on him. They had two lovely children, named Timmy and Oh My God the Enchilada Wizard has Come to Eat my Kidneys.

They built a house out of cactus and rocks and lived there for many years.

One day Dean was digging in the desert and struck oil, making him and his family filthy rich. Soon people from all over Texas got wind of this, and settled in Dean…the city, not the man.

After the town became rich they built a huge wall around Dean (again, the City) so that no one else could move in, and that is how they have kept the population down to under 350 people for nearly 200 years.

Dean Texaston can still be seen in the Dean Museum, his brain has been kept alive in the brine of a pickle jar. Truly amazing.

On an unrelated note, yesterday was the official day of Pancakes, so I went to IHOP and got the bottomless pancakes ate like, 15 or something, and then I tripped balls.

And so everyone knows, check the website to make sure, but I believe that on the 23rd IHOP is giving out free short stacks of pancakes to celebrate Pancake day. Why they didn’t do that yesterday, I don’t know, but fuck it because I ate 15+ pancakes for $4.99.

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